Vientiane, Laos. Our nightmare.

Friendship bridge was anything but friendly. All we got were stares and violent arm-pulling from the tuktuk drivers. The only thing lacking was probably bruises on our arms. All we wanted was to head to Vientiane City centre in one piece, at a low price. So, like poultry, we were dumped on this SongTheow. Just that we were unwanted poultry for being too measly with our spending. But impatient face and ultimately, the pretend-to-be-angry-and-walk-away tactic worked and we got the SongTheow moving immediately at price of USD 4 for 2. (Insert celebratory emoji) 

We were half expecting to see streams of backpackers or tourists along the way. Instead the gravel caused a PSI of 900 and we only saw pain in our eyes. "HERE CITY CENTRE. DOWN DOWN!" was what shook us awake from our misty whirlpool but what laid in front didn't un-mist our already lethargic bodies and minds. With not a single building (let's forget about wifi), we found geographers within and managed a few attractions and one of the best sunsets on the trip. 

Pictures : 

That Dam (pronounced as tard-darm)

Putaxai

Try to reach before 5pm so you could head up to the top. 

I wasn't lying about the sunsets, yeah? 

And hour hand on our watches was merciless, it was 7pm and I haven't heard from my couch host. We were prepared to sleep in this random building but nearly peed/faceted in our favourite elephants when the security started switching off the lights. 

With our empty stomachs and mozzie-bitten weak bodies, we made it to the most "touristy" area of Vientiane -- Nam Phou Fountain. Because we spent so much on accommodation, we had to do instants for dinner. 

Plot twist: the couch host didn't actually abandon us. I texted him but apparently Laos SIM card couldn't receive international texts. 

Plot twist twist: we did not like Vientiane. Not at all. But the sunset didn't belong to Vientiane. 

Goodbye, my love.

Is that how the previous generations felt?

The destruction of my childhood and beautiful memories paving the way for the next. I'm not the only one feeling it.

 At least I landed some massive dump. 

Since the mandatory shot with Mr Ronald and friends was too crowded... We made do with this. 

Goodbye, KAP. 

Cactus

Reasons why you need a cactus 

1) It's not needy and whiney. 

2) Always there for you, without asking for too much attention. 

3) Fall in love with it, stare at it for hours.  

4) Make a good model for photo shoots. (A good exfloliating tool as well) 

5) Unleash your hidden talent of making new Germanic names. 

 Meet Starkmann. Say Hi. 

Evolution of pain.

The past couple of weeks had been hectic. Recess week didn't feel like one. I had gathered my remaining energy and discipline after 6 grueling weeks of school, and glued myself to work. Studying has been ingrained now, we are almost one entity.

The release of A level results was yesterday and it brought my memory back to 2 years ago when i did well. I was an honor-roll student. Well, i was happy, but it wasn't the happiest day of my life. I wouldn't try to deny that i felt really contented, maybe proud, of my achievements, but i have to credit my exams' luck too. Which brings me to part II of the story.

Either i've run out exams' luck or the As i've attained for all my History exams was a faux. I'd like to think the former but wouldn't like to bench my passion with luck. Maybe Jing is not a historian-matieral afterall. That aside, the main point, there are times in life when certain things meant the world to you, and not achieving your goals kills you, eats you inside. I had that during O levels. It's a combination of said failure, anger, embarrassment, indignant, helplessness, the list goes on, but basically you're trapped in this vicious vortex. Trapped in confusion and frustration, you would want to make an audacious (many would call it dumb in this case) step to retake examinations and hopefully, attain the supposed desirable grades. But i've decided to bring myself back to Earth and realize that i did fairly well.

I moved on.
I moved on, with pain.

The pain stayed for a while. The pain still stays. The pain will stay. The pain is going to stay. It will consume you from time to time. And thinking about it sometimes now, I see myself welling up in tears. I find myself having to deal with tears-soaked pillows on certain nights. Not a perfect bed scene, if i must add. It's not that i haven't gotten over it. I'm no longer crying for the results, but i still feel pain. A different kind of pain from what i first felt when i got my O level results. It's a pain of seeing an innocent break down in front of hundreds. It's a pain of seeing a helpless girl spewing vulgarities to everyone who sent her a text on social media. It's a pain i still remember and feel so vividly because it's the kind of sadness that sticks in your bones of not achieving your goals and knowing you'll never have the chance to. (well, unless you retake O levels, but retaking with experience is another story.) And doing well in A levels had never taken such a pain away. And most importantly, the misery a 16 year old had to go through because this competitive society that we live in weighs the white slip more than everything else. Because this competitive society that we live in believes the white slip is a ticket to the future. Just because this competitive society...

The pain never goes away. But it's an evolving pain. As i write, i still feel the ache in my heart. And that is because i am experiencing the same thing now. 20, I am now, once again, not doing well in school. Yes, the sadness and dejection creeps in -- to the extent of wanting to take a gap semester, so i will not be too consumed by the clutches of the society. But no.

I've learned not to wallow in self pity.
I've learned how to deal with such pain.
I've learned to see "failure" differently.

Let's call it my self defense mechanisms.