vestigesoftime

Thursday 2 February 2017

We all move; my thoughts too.

For more of my literary output - or literary rants if I may - move on to themovingarchive.

Thursday 2 July 2015

Sipping on my 'Flat White on the Rocks' in Skog Urban Hub café in the heart of Brno while escaping the summer heat. Summer in Europe is erratic – one day you’ll be wrapped in your newly bought leather jacket from Primark, feeling bad about child labour; but the next doubting your buy while the sun threatens to turn you three shades darker. The beauty of seasons, they call it.

It’s my 45^th day in Europe and in an hour, I’ll be leaving for Krakow, Poland, one of my most awaited destinations. I can safely say that I am still not homesick yet but I wished I could bag my parents along to enjoy the rawness of Eastern Europe. The stigma of girls travelling Eastern Europe alone is still very strong, even within the region itself. Or is it for the fact that I am too blinded by optimism and plagued by fatigue that I do not anticipate any impeding dangers? Well, obviously that is not to say I roam around the streets in the wee hours and walking up to drunkards, trying to befriend them at their most irritable state.

As pretentious as I may sound, I am so inspired to start writing again, as soon as I walked into this café. It exudes the calming aura needed for mental stimulation and draws your inner emotions, if you have any to begin with.

I don’t believe in ‘travelling to settle and finding yourself’ anymore. The oxymoron is senseless and after 6 years, I am going to admit this: you need familiarity, you need shelter, and you need routine to figure yourself out. Don’t get me wrong and write me an anti-thesis paper. Read on. I do not at any time mean that you lead a mundane life without challenges but I’ve realised I can’t be fleeting; I can’t be finding myself at a place I don’t even belong. I can't be exchanging baggages - leaving some and picking up new ones - and want the new ones to fit. You can’t switch off and expect to be enlightened one day. You can’t disconnect and expect to be ‘found’. You need to find your core. You need to be self-aware.

And that’s the challenge. It took me 6 years.

As Breathe Carolina would sing, “if you came looking for gold, you won’t like what you see”, is a quote that I live by now; and it’s one of the mentalities I hold on to so tightly, enjoying every moment I have here. It’s almost subconscious but we humans tend to actively seek enjoyment though it seems that if we are to enjoy anything then we must not have to think about it. The reason why I am consciously enjoying myself is because I’ve stopped justifying my actions or the level of happiness it’ll bring.

"Live it up in Brno"

Wednesday 24 December 2014

Happy 21st, obnoxious self.

Conversation starters for a newcomer in the office, 'So, what are you going to do for Christmas?" or "Are you going anywhere this holiday?" put things into perspective once again. I found these two recurring questions really difficult to answer and at the same time, deal-breaking, when I realised I travelled for my past three birthdays. This, I am just really happy to get a full day off from work, and to be seated churning out this chunky junk.

Now that we are on the brink of December – the concluding month of the calendar year and debatably the new beginnings in some aspects – I’ve spent noticeable amount of time flipping through my not-so-little Red Book (no, I am not a communist) and reflecting on the past 12 months.

Hitting the societal milestone of adulthood was rather nerve-wrecking yet plain. My 21^st year started long ago – on a freezing train ride from Sapa to Hanoi, waking up in the middle of the night and sharing my last Milo Bar with Ping before going back to our wintry slumber.

The days are long but the year is fast. This 21^st year has been a paradoxical journey and I am thankful to experience both sides of the coin in many instances – going through the motions of my daily routine mindlessly while bitterly fighting and working towards the intricacies of life that I now call achievements.

I promised to work hard for Honours right after getting my result slip in Hanoi but saw myself bailing out on school and now on my second internship since Leave of Absence (LOA) I took during summer. I made Vietnamese Spring Rolls and had Eel Noodles with my Couch Host last birthday but here I am now, rooted in Singapore, literally.

But it doesn’t matter what circumstances I am put in or the predicament that I find myself in sometimes, I learned to live in and for the moment. They are the negligible happenings that define me as a person; that moulded my 2014.

Being really annoyed at the snoozeable alarms and grumpy with the cold water before I prepare for school and work. Hating every single lecture and going to school just for my German classes. Thankful that mama wakes up every morning to make sure I am fed before my day starts and being so ever supportive even though I mock her for Candy Crush. Not seeing Dad for days if I come home too late because he’s just too busy providing for us. Meeting and leaving the greatest heartache of my life during my backpacking trip and labelling him as the favourite blob of blonde mess to cutting his existence out of my life entirely. Constantly in a desperate, occasionally audacious, attempt to pack my bags and leave for an adventure. Overly obsessed with working out and getting a toned body because that is the way I love myself. Judging people who play with Tinder and getting too serious about it myself; and at certain point wanted to be an ambassador. Wow, how do I go on?

It’s a year I’ve known a distinct degree of heartbreaks, devastations, appreciation, and grown through them. Glad, nonetheless, no less.

The most significant change in 2014 would be LOA. 2 years back, I started my degree in NUS with a bad foot in and have never liked school since. But I was lucky enough to be doing something I really liked – History – though often than not, I do roll my eyes really hard at substance-less questions like, “Gonna go into teaching or work at a museum?”

17 years into Singapore’s education, my dislike for the system only aggravated as I gained further knowledge (of it). I felt more than just physically and mentally sapped from the stale and meaningless pursuit in academics. LOA is one of the best decisions I’ve made and one that has taught me so much thus far. I explored the opportunities in the oxymoronic enjoyable corporate world; how it doesn’t have to deskbound in suit and tie.

And because I did not conform to the paper chase, I’ve found a pre-career that aligns with my interests.

I went through a corporate rollercoaster in terms of sideway progression and management understanding. I ventured into lifestyle “blogging” to freelancing, and back to lifestyle “writing”. Despite the transient 7 months of attending events, dealing with a bitch-of-a-boss, working from anywhere at anytime, and under the best management, there is only one line I will take. “Compromise but do not settle.”

Because of the parallel between my work and interest, travelling that is, I have had met many like-minded inspirations along the way and it’s just so rewarding; definitely not something that would’ve happened should I stay rooted in school for another energy-sapping semester. (Disclaimer, as much as I shame school, I do admire and respect people who pull through and are already on their way to graduation.)

From work travel with colleagues, leisure traveling with friends to solo wandering, I’ve come to accept that travelling is not about ticking off bucket list. For me at least, it has become a lifestyle. The moments where I push myself out of comfort zones and conquer fears are when I learn the most. In my most recent Lombok-Sumbawa trip, I saw myself waddling through the beauty of the endless blue hues and in awe with the undisturbed part of the world. I had the chance to snorkel through the raw beauty of corals and be close to the subtle empowerment of the blue starfishes and neon creatures. I befriended living inspirations and everyone had a backstory. They made everything seemed possible and concretised my thought of living in the moment; that now is the only right time to start living.

The lack of love dictates your life as much as one filled with. It has been a tumultuous year with regards to matters of the heart. Many have seen me crumble and fleeting to dating apps to get over. But outside these tangible grieving moments, I was soiling my bed with thoughts of betrayal and a very bruised ego.

I came to a conclusion that love is a game for the brave souls. I am taking back my presumed statement that relationships are for needy people because they are merely lonely. It’s not. It’s putting yourself out there at the expense of having your feelings trampled with. A mission I am not capable of.

I continue to cling on to self-doubt as I emptied myself out in pieces. On the way, I met a few lovely people, which morphed me into yet another mould when put back together. I finally found peace, (still) seeking closure, and giving myself another chance.

Relationship to me now, is just like gardening. Very much voluntary and illusive where you know everything is just temporary. My heart is insecure and to be robbed off the power of vulnerability once again is just impossible. Because I am egoistic; I am scared. I will stay trapped in the vicious vortex of being vulnerably powerful. (Power of vulnerability; because it is courageous to expose yourself to another.)

WOW. When you are going through 365 days, you can’t really see around them, you cannot get a physical measure of it. It was impossible to see how such long days and months, so miraculous and unfathomable, can actually fit into one penned out post; in such a concise manner yet so lacking.

Now fuck out, time for a new year.

Happy Birthday, obnoxiously narcissistic self.

Birthday dinner @ Masons with lovely family <3

Sunday 14 December 2014

16 cafes to hop in Johor Bahru, Malaysia

It isn’t the weekend if you don’t get to sleep in. But what exactly marks the start of a good weekend? There are days where you just want to lie in bed till late evening before heading out for dinner but others when you can’t wait to get out of your comfort zone and do some exploring. My favourite thing about the weekends is that you can have coffee at any time of the day.

Have you visited every single hipster café in Singapore? Well, you can also start your exploration across the borders to Johor Bahru. Though the cafes aren’t like Singapore’s, all lined up on the same street, it is always a joy to cruise around before settling down in one. These are a few cafes you will never want to miss out on: